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Three Proposals: Feast of the Immaculate Conception
Oh, sweet and perfect Mary, when the God of the Universe humbly bowed before the Queen of his heart and asked for your hand to accompany him in his saving plans for me, you said ‘yes’. You said ‘yes’ to me Mama before you knew my name. You wed yourself to the very breath of my God, who you gently tug me towards everyday. You gave me the King of my heart and the one whom my soul truly loves Mother Mary because of your ‘yes’ to the ultimate proposal.
Oh, sweet and perfect Jesus, when you said let there be light… let there be the wind and the waves… let there be Adam and Eve (Genesis 1) … you said let there be Bry. You love this beautiful mess of yours. You bend your knee and ask for my hand to be wedded to yours forever, with the same hand my name written on in your scars (Isaiah 49), and you ask for me to echo the same ‘yes’ your sweet Mother did, to accompany you on the most epic journey ever. You said ‘yes’ to me my sweet Jesus before I said ‘yes’ to you. I remember the day vividly, at a Steubenville Conference when I was 15 years old, you had been making advances for my heart since the day I was born, but this was the day I finally gave you a chance my dear Jesus. And during this proposal taking place at the door of my heart, you continue to tell me daily “be satisfied with me. I know the desires of your heart and I want to give you the most epic love story, but before you say ‘yes’ to your future husband, you have to say ‘yes’ to me first.” (Be Satisfied With Me, St. Anthony)
Oh, sweet and hopeful future husband of mine, the day you get down on one knee will be the third most important proposal in my life, next to Jesus and Mary, and it all started with our sweet and perfect Mother. I pray that we can echo the same ‘yes’ she did the day she agreed to come save us with our Lord.
Everything is Grace
I have grown more in two months as a Youth Minister than I did during my awkward growth spurt in second grade. I may not have added a few inches to my height (which would be kinda nice), but my heart and trust in the Lord has expanded immensely. And growing hurts. I felt it in my knees as I grew taller. I felt weak, uncoordinated, and out of place. This is very similar to how I feel now. Like a newborn giraffe trying to walk for the first time.
I have been given this amazing gift to influence the hearts of our youth and I thought I was ready for it! It didn’t take long to figure out that I have no idea what the hell I am doing. The pressure I put on myself to say the perfect things, to keep them entertained, and to keep everybody happy was unbearable.
It wasn’t until I stopped planning, stopped organizing, stopped trying to impress everybody, and stopped focusing on productivity when I realized that my job is not paperwork. It is people. I would get so flustered if someone stopped by to say, “Hi” while I was in the middle of something or if everything I had planned fell apart.
So, I started to pray: Lord make me like Jello, flexible and docile to your will. A friend of mine whispered in my ear after I gave a talk that did not go well: “God does not ask that we succeed in everything, but that we are faithful”. Turns out that it was our sweet Mother Teresa planting those words in the garden of my heart for days like this when the unplanned, the unexpected, and my version of failure happen.
Everything is Grace
This phrase keeps coming up in my prayer life. I recently asked Jesus, “God, am I really blessed or am I cursed? Because sometimes I feels like both”. Ever since then, He has shown me that all is grace. Every “curse” of mine He turns into a blessing. Every failure and mistake I make as a Youth Minister, friend, girlfriend, daughter, etc. softens my cold and prideful heart into humble Jello.
I have had another spiritual friend whispering in the silence of my heart since I started here. St. Therese has taken me by the hand and lead me through every meltdown and every victory teaching me that truly:
“Everything is a grace, everything is the direct effect of our Father’s love – difficulties, contradictions, humiliations, all the soul’s miseries, her burdens, her needs – everything, because through them, she learns humility, realizes her weakness. Everything is a grace because everything is God’s gift. Whatever be the character of life or its unexpected events – to the heart that loves, all is well.” -St. Therese
Miss Mystery.
Way too often in a girl’s life is she perceived as too much or too little. She is too dramatic. She has too much baggage. She is too sensitive and overly emotional. OR, she is not enough. She is not intriguing enough. She is not interesting enough. She is not doing enough. She is not showing enough. She is not…. Perfect.
We are OH so complicated and it is OH so scary to try to understand us. What we don’t hear enough though, is how beautiful this feminine complexity can be. We are not a puzzle to solve and there’s not some sort of manual that will give you all the answers. The answers to why we are the way we are and how to fix us, manage us, or solve the puzzle. But don’t let this scare you boys and girls…. Embrace it.
Women are meant to be searched, known, and explored. Deep down in the heart of every woman, you will find a longing to be seen, known, and loved. In Song of Songs 4:12, Solomon says to his bride, “A garden closed you are, my sister, my bride. A garden closed, a fountain sealed”. The bride of Solomon’s interior life and femininity is hidden to the human eye which makes her enticing and alluring. Guys, the perfume on her neck does not serve the mere purpose of getting you into bed with her: it was designed to draw you to something much deeper within herself. I guess you could say it is to draw you to HERSELF as a whole. Body AND soul.
Solomon is intrigued by his bride and he desires to come to know her whole-self. This “fountain” and “garden” belongs to the woman and it is hers to give. JPII says she “presents herself to the eyes of the man as the master of her own mystery”. This mystery of women is intriguing for the sake of being explored. She expresses herself as a “gift” that she alone gives, so I implore you men, not to grab at her heart, but to search it.
The more a man explores a woman, the more he is propelled up the hill of Calvary to the Cross. She leads him right to the sacrament of marriage that is full of grace and holiness through her feminine mystery safeguarded by the virtue of chastity. Chastity does not mean never. Chastity means “I do” choose to explore you, know you, and love you thoroughly for all the days of my life.
So, that is the challenge I propose to you today. Boys, it is okay that you can’t fix her. Your challenge is to simply come to know her. And girls, you are not too little, you are not too much, you were made just right. I would even dare to say that you are beautifully and wonderfully made in the image and likeness of your Creator and Savior that loves you and knows you more intimately than anybody ever will and He accepts you and adores you in ALL of your ways. Even the parts of you that you don’t like.
Shape of you
Okay, Ed Sheeran, we get it. You are in love with “her” body. And to be honest, I think he’s onto something! I can’t say that Ed Sheeran is pure of heart in his intentions or that whoever he is talking about has other qualities other than her looks. I will say however, that when a man looks at us, he should be completely captivated by our beauty! I hope he didn’t stand in the corner of the bar imagining what he would do to her if he got her alone. I would hope this would lead him to buy her a drink and get to know her better through prayer and faithful pursuing until he gets down on one knee and dedicates his life to this woman until death do them part….. but I’m a wishful thinker.
I believe that we are in desperate need to re-educate ourselves about the inseparable unity between inner and outer beauty. Our hyper-sexualized culture exploits physical beauty and encourages women to do whatever it takes to perfect themselves. Whether it be botox, make-up, tight-skirts, and hair-dye, women must do whatever is necessary to be deemed beautiful in the eyes of the world. On the other end of the spectrum, in an attempt to be modest and holy, we find groups of women who hide their physical beauty in the name of virtue and humility. I argue that, similar to the way our soul animates our body, our inner beauty should animate our outer beauty. A healthy understanding of virtue and physical attractiveness recognizes our bodies as good; and especially as women, we are the most beautiful of all creation.
Beauty is seen as a weakness. We have been trained to see beauty as a threat, not a gift to the world. So, we must deny it and remove ourselves from the desire of being delighted in as much as we can. Confidence in our outer beauty is often considered a sin against the virtue of humility because recognizing outer beauty indicates vanity. Its what’s on the inside that counts right? I argue that outer beauty is illuminated by inner beauty. I believe that we are not called to oppress or pretend that exterior beauty does not exist. It is a disservice to our Creator not to appreciate it. Merriam Webster defines beauty as a “person or thing” that provokes awe or “pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit” to direct our minds to something supreme. Averting our eyes from the beauty of a woman is averting our eyes from our Creator. This is the purpose of our beauty my brothers and sisters. The beauty of our person as a whole, our souls and our bodies, are designed to direct the world to our Creator. He is Supreme. Without allowing our beauty to lead us to the One who created us, that is vanity.
No men, I am not giving you permission to allow your eyes to wander lustfully. No women, I am not giving you permission to stop pursuing virtue and holiness. Always be praying for purity of heart and pray that the Lord will transform our hearts and minds to appreciate the wholeness of every person. I pray we can see our Creator in everyone we meet. From the Grocery-store clerk to our future spouses.
YOU ARE INDEED ALTOGETHER BEAUTIFUL! (SONG OF SONGS 4:7)
spidey-senses
Women tend to have a mysterious emotional radar they feel within their bones when something isn’t quite right. Some call it a “Mother’s intuition” but Edith Stein calls it “active sympathy” which is closely “bound” to our maternal instincts (Stein, 46). Woman have the capacity to take on the same pain and the same joys as others. It can be quite the burden taking on the burdens of the people we love but we grow and expand our hearts enough to make room for them. We also quickly notice unsaid ques or subtle shifts in our world when something isn’t right.
For instance, a personal story of mine that my parents love to tell is from my time as a troubled teenager who was up to no good. I told my parents I was at a friend’s house when I was out with a bunch of boys whom my parents would not approve of. Something in my Mom’s heart of hearts triggered an uneasy sentiment that caused her to track down my actual whereabouts thus grounding me for the rest of the summer. My Father recollects a strange “gut” feeling my Mom had about that night. He says that “she just knew” even though I had done anything differently than I would usually do when lying to my parents. The empathetic and protective part of my Mom’s maternal nature picked up on my bad behaviour and saved me from potential heart-break.
Here are a few picks of my amazing Mama. Yes that is Chase and Jeff from the Bachelor and yes she is touching their abs.
Moving on… Our sweet, Heavenly Mother has shown us her gift of maternal empathy at the Wedding feast at Cana. To the Eastern people, wine symbolized health and well-being, therefore, running out of wine was socially taboo at a wedding. Considering that they also lived in the centre of wine country, the bride and groom most likely had an abundance of wine. The Eastern people were notorious for their hospitality and the bride and groom had nothing left to give their guests. Our Mother came to the rescue and saw the needs of the wedding party thus immediately leaping into action to save their wedding. Fulton Sheen says that Mary “notes our needs before we ourselves feel them”. (Sheen, 117). Mary, being groomed and fashioned to one day be the Spiritual Mother to us all, empathized with the embarrassment of the bride and groom so much so, she brought their needs to her Son. She knew her Son was capable of doing more than she could do, so she looked for the ultimate remedy to this humiliation. She is indeed our perfect role-model of feminine empathy which I believe we can all relate to in some way or another.
Mouth-Breathers and Motherhood
Edith Stein says that “woman naturally seeks to embrace that which is living, personal, and whole. To cherish, guard, protect, nourish and advance growth is her natural, maternal yearning” (Stein, 45). This “maternal yearning” seeks to pour itself into something or someone; to invest wholly into that cause or relationship. Every woman you will come across desires to be a part of something big and adventurous. We are the first to comfort and aid our loved one’s physical or emotional wounds with band-aids or a hug. Femininity also seeks to zealously guard and protect those who are in her care. This reminds me of the new hit Netflix series called Stranger Things that I binge watched last Fall. The premise of the story goes like this: a boy named Will is abducted by alien-like creatures (Demogorgon) from another dimension called the Upside-Down. In all ten episodes, Will’s Mother searches tirelessly and relentlessly for her son until he is safe in her arms. She did not sleep or rest until he was found. Even when everyone else gave up on finding Will, she never did. She even travelled into this alternate dimension full of dangerous creatures and toxic air to rescue him.
Even if Hollywood denies the beautiful complementarity between men and women through radical feminism in the name of gender equality, they still seem to call attention to the innate maternity embedded in every woman. The mother’s desire for Will’s safety became a part of her very own being because he belonged to her. She took on his fears and hurts because her motherhood took on the joys and sufferings of those who belong to her. The Moms in this show are BADASS. What would we do without them?
Pretty Hurts
Beyoncé says it best: Pretty Hurts. Remember a time as a young girl, twirling around in Princess dresses and your Mother’s high heels. Remember the longing to grab the attention of your Dad to delight in you and all your fairytale glory. To be in awe of your child-like beauty. Fast-forward and remember the first time you made eye-contact with your first crush. Then waking up a little earlier every morning to do your hair and make-up to catch his attention and make him notice you. Remember your first rejection, heart-break, or simply feeling unnoticed, unseen, unwanted. Not intriguing enough. Not funny enough. Not pretty enough. Not worth the attention.
The negligence of our inner and outer beauty cuts so deep. So, we think there must be something wrong with us. We may think we aren’t praying enough or holy enough or flawed for simply wanting someone to look and truly see us. We hide our beauty. We shame our beauty. We shove this desire to the side and close ourselves off to being vulnerable. We deem our wants and desires as bad and unattainable. We yell at the little, vulnerable girl inside of us and tell her to grow up. That she doesn’t need a man.
I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.
Not saying being independent is a vice, but independence does not mean that the part of us that wants to be noticed, loved, and tended to should be pushed down into a deep, dark, bitter void in our hearts.
This is why I decided to write my senior thesis on what it means to be a woman. Through prayer and self-reflection, I chose eight characteristics of femininity that I think we need to reclaim, revive, and love these parts of ourselves again. I will be posting parts of my thesis to make it easier to read and reflect on considering its 30 pages. I hope this brings healing and empowerment to men and women who read this.
Ofa Atu
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Bryanna Nichole Bergeman
October 31, 2014 · Denver, CO
“Thank God we have the ultimate promise-keeper in Him. Over and over again He promises us a place in His arms if we love Him. And Sione’s love for the Lord filled those around everyone he met. Romans 8 says that I AM CONVINCED that neither DEATH nor life nor Angels or DEMONS or any such darkness can separate us from the love of the Lord! Psalms 51 tells us that our sins are before us but He looks upon us with mercy and I strongly believe he held Sione with arms of mercy and embraced Him into His Kingdom! The joy Jesus must have to claim his child, my brother in Christ, back into His arms! In Psalms 18 HE tells us that through His wrath He moves mountains and valleys, and everything in His way to get to us when we cry out to Him. In His wrath of love He will do ANYTHING to get to us. He drew me from many waters because he loves me.”
“Let not your hearts be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way where I am going.”
John 14:1-4
Everybody Loves Bry 