Everything is Grace

I have grown more in two months as a Youth Minister than I did during my awkward growth spurt in second grade. I may not have added a few inches to my height (which would be kinda nice), but my heart and trust in the Lord has expanded immensely. And growing hurts. I felt it in my knees as I grew taller. I felt weak, uncoordinated, and out of place. This is very similar to how I feel now. Like a newborn giraffe trying to walk for the first time.

I have been given this amazing gift to influence the hearts of our youth and I thought I was ready for it! It didn’t take long to figure out that I have no idea what the hell I am doing. The pressure I put on myself to say the perfect things, to keep them entertained, and to keep everybody happy was unbearable.

It wasn’t until I stopped planning, stopped organizing, stopped trying to impress everybody, and stopped focusing on productivity when I realized that my job is not paperwork. It is people. I would get so flustered if someone stopped by to say, “Hi” while I was in the middle of something or if everything I had planned fell apart.

So, I started to pray: Lord make me like Jello, flexible and docile to your will. A friend of mine whispered in my ear after I gave a talk that did not go well: “God does not ask that we succeed in everything, but that we are faithful”. Turns out that it was our sweet Mother Teresa planting those words in the garden of my heart for days like this when the unplanned, the unexpected, and my version of failure happen.

Everything is Grace

This phrase keeps coming up in my prayer life. I recently asked Jesus, “God, am I really blessed or am I cursed? Because sometimes I feels like both”. Ever since then, He has shown me that all is grace. Every “curse” of mine He turns into a blessing. Every failure and mistake I make as a Youth Minister, friend, girlfriend, daughter, etc. softens my cold and prideful heart into humble Jello.

I have had another spiritual friend whispering in the silence of my heart since I started here. St. Therese has taken me by the hand and lead me through every meltdown and every victory teaching me that truly:

“Everything is a grace, everything is the direct effect of our Father’s love – difficulties, contradictions, humiliations, all the soul’s miseries, her burdens, her needs – everything, because through them, she learns humility, realizes her weakness. Everything is a grace because everything is God’s gift. Whatever be the character of life or its unexpected events – to the heart that loves, all is well.” -St. Therese