Three Proposals: Feast of the Immaculate Conception

Oh, sweet and perfect Mary, when the God of the Universe humbly bowed before the Queen of his heart and asked for your hand to accompany him in his saving plans for me, you said ‘yes’. You said ‘yes’ to me Mama before you knew my name. You wed yourself to the very breath of my God, who you gently tug me towards everyday. You gave me the King of my heart and the one whom my soul truly loves Mother Mary because of your ‘yes’ to the ultimate proposal.

Oh, sweet and perfect Jesus, when you said let there be light… let there be the wind and the waves… let there be Adam and Eve (Genesis 1) … you said let there be Bry. You love this beautiful mess of yours. You bend your knee and ask for my hand to be wedded to yours forever, with the same hand my name written on in your scars (Isaiah 49), and you ask for me to echo the same ‘yes’ your sweet Mother did, to accompany you on the most epic journey ever. You said ‘yes’ to me my sweet Jesus before I said ‘yes’ to you. I remember the day vividly, at a Steubenville Conference when I was 15 years old, you had been making advances for my heart since the day I was born, but this was the day I finally gave you a chance my dear Jesus. And during this proposal taking place at the door of my heart, you continue to tell me daily “be satisfied with me. I know the desires of your heart and I want to give you the most epic love story, but before you say ‘yes’ to your future husband, you have to say ‘yes’ to me first.” (Be Satisfied With Me, St. Anthony)

Oh, sweet and hopeful future husband of mine, the day you get down on one knee will be the third most important proposal in my life, next to Jesus and Mary, and it all started with our sweet and perfect Mother. I pray that we can echo the same ‘yes’ she did the day she agreed to come save us with our Lord.

spidey-senses

Women tend to have a mysterious emotional radar they feel within their bones when something isn’t quite right. Some call it a “Mother’s intuition” but Edith Stein calls it “active sympathy” which is closely “bound” to our maternal instincts (Stein, 46). Woman have the capacity to take on the same pain and the same joys as others. It can be quite the burden taking on the burdens of the people we love but we grow and expand our hearts enough to make room for them. We also quickly notice unsaid ques or subtle shifts in our world when something isn’t right.

For instance, a personal story of mine that my parents love to tell is from my time as a troubled teenager who was up to no good. I told my parents I was at a friend’s house when I was out with a bunch of boys whom my parents would not approve of. Something in my Mom’s heart of hearts triggered an uneasy sentiment that caused her to track down my actual whereabouts thus grounding me for the rest of the summer. My Father recollects a strange “gut” feeling my Mom had about that night. He says that “she just knew” even though I had done anything differently than I would usually do when lying to my parents. The empathetic and protective part of my Mom’s maternal nature picked up on my bad behaviour and saved me from potential heart-break.

Here are a few picks of my amazing Mama. Yes that is Chase and Jeff from the Bachelor and yes she is touching their abs.

Moving on… Our sweet, Heavenly Mother has shown us her gift of maternal empathy at the Wedding feast at Cana. To the Eastern people, wine symbolized health and well-being, therefore, running out of wine was socially taboo at a wedding. Considering that they also lived in the centre of wine country, the bride and groom most likely had an abundance of wine. The Eastern people were notorious for their hospitality and the bride and groom had nothing left to give their guests. Our Mother came to the rescue and saw the needs of the wedding party thus immediately leaping into action to save their wedding. Fulton Sheen says that Mary “notes our needs before we ourselves feel them”.  (Sheen, 117). Mary, being groomed and fashioned to one day be the Spiritual Mother to us all, empathized with the embarrassment of the bride and groom so much so, she brought their needs to her Son. She knew her Son was capable of doing more than she could do, so she looked for the ultimate remedy to this humiliation. She is indeed our perfect role-model of feminine empathy which I believe we can all relate to in some way or another.

Mouth-Breathers and Motherhood

Edith Stein says that “woman naturally seeks to embrace that which is living, personal, and whole. To cherish, guard, protect, nourish and advance growth is her natural, maternal yearning” (Stein, 45). This “maternal yearning” seeks to pour itself into something or someone; to invest wholly into that cause or relationship. Every woman you will come across desires to be a part of something big and adventurous. We are the first to comfort and aid our loved one’s physical or emotional wounds with band-aids or a hug. Femininity also seeks to zealously guard and protect those who are in her care. This reminds me of the new hit Netflix series called Stranger Things that I binge watched last Fall. The premise of the story goes like this: a boy named Will is abducted by alien-like creatures (Demogorgon) from another dimension called the Upside-Down. In all ten episodes, Will’s Mother searches tirelessly and relentlessly for her son until he is safe in her arms. She did not sleep or rest until he was found. Even when everyone else gave up on finding Will, she never did. She even travelled into this alternate dimension full of dangerous creatures and toxic air to rescue him. 

Even if Hollywood denies the beautiful complementarity between men and women through radical feminism in the name of gender equality, they still seem to call attention to the innate maternity embedded in every woman. The mother’s desire for Will’s safety became a part of her very own being because he belonged to her. She took on his fears and hurts because her motherhood took on the joys and sufferings of those who belong to her. The Moms in this show are BADASS. What would we do without them?

Grabbing at Love

My sweet Maggie Himp and I spent our whole “friend day” delving into the reality of vocations, the fall, womanhood, etc. Her response to our heart-to-heart today is too good not to share:

“Isn’t it crazy that the first fall of woman was her failure to receive? Eve grabbed at the fruit and did not trust that goodness would come to her. And man’s first fall was that he did not provide. Adam did not provide the comfort, protection, and gentle hold his woman needed when she needed him. Our culture today seems to be echoing the same fall of our first parents. Men seem to be doing the receiving and women the providing.”

BELONGING

Thank you Rape.

Thank you Rape, for revealing to me my own strength. Thank you Rape, for introducing this warrior to the world whom I didn’t know existed before you. Thank you Rape, for creating this confident, independent, brave advocate against you. You should be so afraid Rape, because the little girl you thought you silenced has grown into a woman louder than you will ever be. I feel bad for you Rape, because you will only ever be capable of taking what isn’t yours to take. You will never be able to freely give or receive true, authentic love. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT THAT IS. You only know how to steal, kill, and destroy and YOU DID for a while there… you did steal my innocence, you did kill my happiness, you did destroy me. But wherever there is scorched land, there is new life ready to rise up from the ashes. No really Rape. Can you smell the flowers blooming from the ground you thought you sterilized from beauty and strength? Did you expect, Rape, for me to stay down and hidden forever? Did you see me coming? Did you think I was yours to keep? What a sad and miserable existence you are Rape. You are the complete absence of freedom. And because you will never know freedom Rape, I pity you more than anything. I pity that you had to latch onto him. You fed on his insecurity and arrogance and you convinced him to sip on the beauty, strength, truth and goodness in me until I was dried out. I will give you this Rape, you are patient and meticulous. You are very strategic Rape. You lured me in. You didn’t take everything at once. Oh no you didn’t… You took my heart way before you took my body. You breathed in the smoke from the light you blew out and then you exchanged all my color for grey. I thought I was lost, but I wasn’t lost because you were the one keeping me. You were the one holding me hostage. This whole time, you were the one forcing me to stay in the mud you pushed me in when I was 15. I was never lost, but you thought I was yours Rape. You thought I was yours Evil One. You thought I was yours Father of lies. I never belonged to you. I have always belonged to a Savior much brighter, louder, and stronger than you Rape. I have always belonged to myself and I decide who changes me from now on. And I have always belonged in the sweet, gentle, protective arms of my future husband. And he will be the complete opposite of you Rape. He will not have to rob me because I will simply give myself to him. By now Rape, I hope you see that you are not victorious. You didn’t win. Your glory burns out quickly, but the glory of my Lord burns forever. And there are many other voices rising up and waging against you Rape. Men and women joining together with me to silence you. You are finished. (John 19:30)

 

I’M ABOUT TO EXPLODE!

Here’s what I do know… hook-ups and one-night stands don’t feel that awesome the next morning. Scrambling for a cup of coffee, hungover, feeling pretty awkward; trying to figure out what the HELL happened last night; wanting to sit in the shower for hours not only to wash off the make-up you slept in but to get rid of the tangible, dirty feeling the guy from the night before left on your skin. That was my only motivation for chastity the last ten years. I knew that I didn’t like feeling regret, trapped, lonely, used, bruised, and thrown away. Although I wasn’t any good at it, I was aware of what to avoid but I didn’t really know what I was striving for. I thought that chastity would leave me lonely in my bed at night, wishing someone was laying beside me. I thought looking at all my friends in happy and lively relationships was going to leave me longing and aching for love and affection. I thought I would be full of sexual frustration, like a boiling pot of water about to overflow onto the stove. What I wish I would’ve known is that chastity is not forcing down your desires until you explode, rather, it is the key to pure and unadulterated freedom! I never associated freedom with chastity until I was living in the light of Christ for an extended period of time. Truly anything is possible with Him who strengthens us, even chastity. I never thought I would be the girl who turned down hot guys, joyfully and willingly. I never thought I would crown myself with chastity proudly. I never thought I would be free from the ball-and-chain the culture we live in ties to our ankles. Chastity to me is no longer a burden, rather a catalyst to release my true self in Christ. It is no longer a long-sequence of ‘no’s’ rather a greater YES or I DO on my wedding day to the love of my life.